I'm tired to being expected to portray that certain image that almost every teenage girl strives for. So what if I prefer to wear my hair in a pony-tail? And last time I checked, it's ok, if not normal, to have never had a boyfriend by the age of fourteen. I'll admit that it does sound silly to hide from boys who have tried to ask me out, but I'm just not ready or in need of a boyfriend. Why would you even care that I listen to my iPod every time I get the chance, giving the impression that I'm obsessed with it and Owl City (which is often what is playing)? No, I don't wear eyeliner or mascara on the bottom of my eye, but that doesn't give you an excuse to make fun of me for it. Or any of these things. I'm trying my hardest to ignore these defeating comments, but it's getting really hard. And when you mix all this with every other bit of drama and sadness in my life, it really begins to beat at me. Break me down until I'm hanging by half a thread that's being cut at by the minute.
There. I finally put into words how I feel about how the people around me treat and act towards me. Most of the comments like or relating to this come from my friends, and occasionally my family. Surprisingly, I don't think I've ever had a "hate comment" from someone who hasn't been my friend. How's that for a sudden realization. I guess that really says something about the people I apparently like to be around. I use the word "apparently" because I haven't really felt any real emotion besides loneliness or sadness in a while. At least, I think that's how I felt. I'm really not sure.
I don't know why I stick to these people instead of confronting them about the things they say and do. Maybe it's because I've had friend troubles in the past. Maybe it's because of "him," that I've shrunk down and refused to enlarge my circle of companions and learn to trust again. But that leads to a different tale of lies, secrets, back-stabbers, and jerks. Not what I'm trying to get at here.
I think that's it's quite plain and out-there that I am not like some of the other girls my age. Unfortunately, they still don't know that. Perhaps they don't even care. They don't want to take the time to get to know me, to learn that I write in my free time; I admire the friend who just so happens not to make fun of me; music means a lot to me, as does reading; I tend to hide my emotions to my breaking point; I'm still not over him; I'm tired of being next-to-best; I fantasize about conversations of events that I know for a fact will never happen; or that I'm a true romantic just afraid of romance. Quite silly, I'm aware. But, they just don't care. Either that, or they merely don't notice that I find the amount of attention they give to be quite disrespectful. I think I'll take the latter.
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