I hate what I am becoming and the temptations I feel. It's not what I'm used to nor whom I thought I was. Anger overwhelms me and in my mind, the only way out is violence. Or writing. But I don't always have access to the latter.
Lately, I've been finding that I get frustrated or extremely angry at people for the silliest, smallest, and stupidest things. I can get so worked up over one matter that if anybody does a single thing that bothers me just a little, I snap. Of course, you don't usually see this on the outside. It's like a calm before the storm situation. One minute I'll be completely quiet and reserved, and as soon as someone does something to push me just a little further, I'll be shouting.
Sometimes I get so worked up about something that I find a desire to hurt or injure the cause of my annoyance. Severely. I hate it.
I don't think that it's necessarily anger management issues, just that I don't usually show anger around anyone and I'm afraid of what will happen if I do. After holding it in for so long, the need to explode into a billion different rants about things that happened a year ago becomes something that's getting harder and harder to hide away and gain control of.
I don't even want to talk about it in detail because I fear the things I see myself doing to certain individuals in my head. What's wrong with me?
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