Have you ever wondered what it feels like to wander aimlessly through a dark space void? I haven't either, but now I am. It's basically a spa day for people who don't like to ride horses. My mom makes me eat steak and spinach because she thinks I need iron. The steak stares me in the eyes and laughs at my look of disgust. I would love to become a vegetarian, but then I remember I love bacon. Wind chimes are pretty cool. The newts are climbing the walls of the tank again. Because we cleaned it. A year ago. Through my silver tears, I can see the golden aura of all that is good and the blockaded skis above all that is the opposite. Why does my cat eat her cat litter? She's sick. It makes me sad. Can I ask you a question? Just kidding, I just did. Fooled you. Bet you didn't see that coming. I've recently started texting. I never text anyone. But now he's texting me so I have to respond! Why is my hair straightener sideways? I got a Webkinz for Christmas. Ashley, you're the best. If only I could breathe underwater. I'd be, like, the coolest kid ever. Or maybe just a freak-show in the circus. Or in a government laboratory. My mother once crocheted a pillow. There's a stupid red mark on my face and I don't like it. His glasses look good on him. Sometimes I like to imagine I'm in a forest. What's the definition of 'art?' Why do I use apostrophes as quotes? Why did the little mermaid wear seashells? Because she couldn't fit into D-shells. That's a knee slapper. Who even slaps their knee anymore? I do. Ingo is one of the best books ever. Lauren gave it too me in grade 6. Look. I wrote the number 6 instead of the word. I just did it again. That's because the llama-corn told me to. MY HEAD HURTS. I promise it's not drugs. I lied. It's the DRUG OF LOVE. Love for all the cats out there. I'm here for you. I see the stars and they are waving at me with their little tiny star arms. They told me to tell you they say 'hi.' I still have an opened Kleenex box from 3 years ago. This isn't L.A. class. English class. Same thing. Americans call Rockets candies Smarties. They aren't Smarties. Smarties are Smarties. Rockets are not Smarties. Google it. Bing it. I'm trying to get that to become a trend. Next time somebody asks you a question, tell them to Bing it. Not Google. Google's too mainstream for my hipster mind. Kennedy, you're also the best. Thank you again for the envelope. This concludes my awkward thank-you post. Who in the name of LaFawnduh gets writer's block for four months. See that time I wrote out the number 4. But that time I didn't. See the difference? Taste the difference. Taste the rainbow. Skittles are good, but they make my tongue hurt. I always spell tongue wrong. Spell check! I hear music! That's what headphones do! AAh! BAILEY WE ALL LOVE YOU. DON'T GIVE UP. I WOULD MISS YOU WITH ALL MY BUTT BECAUSE MY BUTT IS BIGGER THAN MY HEART. My heart is tired. Leopluradon's handbag was stolen. How's he suppose to text velociraptor and spinosaurus not to eat the baby brontosaurus now? Leopluradon has fins. How does he do it? My French teacher has lost her mind. I miss my cousin because I haven't seen him in a long time and he's now in Mongolia. Let's all plan a trip to Jordan so I can achieve my life long dream. You probably don't want to. So that's ok. I'll settle for Indonesia if you're more comfortable with it. I'm slowly turning into a scuba diving hippopotamus. Are hippopotamuses/hippopotami dinosaurs? When I write on a PC and Word autocorrects me and that little lightning symbol keeps on popping up just to mock me and my mistakes and failures, I want to rage-quit croquet and earn a living in scooping ice-cream for the homeless. I'm hungry. I haven't eaten for days. Are trees supposed to grow in your bellybutton? Maybe I swallowed an apple seed! I am a mountaineer in the hills and highlands. I wish I was a piano genius. I spelled genius wrong three times. There I go again with typing numbers! How silly, that does sound! 'Typing numbers!' I don't remember the word for it. School obviously pays off. Who'd have thought. The ostrich thinks that it's better than all the other animals just because it can stick it's head in the ground. Dude. Just get a psychiatrist all ready. That's seriously a bad habit. Just tossin' a shout-out to all my homey G's and fellow thug-pugs out thuur! PUGG LYFE. I'm tough. Tuff. Tuft. Fur. Animal. Wolf. Forest. Trees. Canopy. Bed. Let's make a mind-map of all the possible connections! The phone! The phone is ringing! Ming-Ming, you're my hero. Why. I'm too old to watch that show. But you're never to old to tip your bike upside down, turn the pedal, and pretend you're selling popsicles! I'm yawning. What's the brain's process behind it all. He's too smart for me. So now you know how penguins can ride motor scooters. Any questions? And that's when it happened. He reached for her hand under the moonlit path and said something he never thought he'd hear himself say. Slowly, he bent down and looked her in the eyes. She smiled, showing her perfect teeth. Ready to tell her how he felt, he leaned in and whispered in her ear, 'I could really go for a taco.'
This was interesting. It reminded me of Adam's post on his blog when he was on those pain killers from his hernia surgery.
ReplyDeleteI wrote something a bit like this when I was really tired once (which is something that doesn't often happen to me). Yet, I can honestly say every single word of it makes perfect sense to me. I think I'm going to post it to my blog actually. . . . Maybe.