I Don't Stop

I run. As to my destination, I'm not entirely sure. All I know is that I will never get tired. I will run forever.

I think I'll see the world. I run up Machu Picchu, although I'm not aware of how I got here. When I reach the summit, I gaze down upon the small towns far below. I wave with both arms at an aeroplane passing overhead. Can they see me from here? They must be able to. The clouds are closing in around the mountain, but I'm too high up for them to suffocate me in their gloomy, rain-storm endeavour.

I look down once again and shout at the top of my lungs, "Hullo, down there!" But I'm not fast enough. The clouds have acted as a barrier between me and the rest of the world far below. I will move on now.

And so I jump. Butterflies fill my stomach as I am overwhelmed with a welcomed feeling of weightlessness. The clouds rise up to meet me at a vigorous speed and I land on their surface. I begin to run again and before I know it, the clouds I've been sprinting along for so far west are coming to an end and I see ocean far below.

The only way down is to jump, and so I do just that. I decide to let myself have some fun as I free-fall towards the watery depths rushing towards me. I pull into a tuck position and spin one, two, maybe five times before I stretch out flat and turn my back to the water. Is it possible to do cart-wheels while free falling? It is; I just tried. Now the water is so close, I have to change position a final time.

I execute a perfect "pencil" dive as I break through the surface of the water and plummet into darkness. Deeper and deeper I swim until I look up and the last shred of light disappears. I take my first breath of the sea. I welcome it into my lungs and realize I have never felt so good. It's like the ocean belongs to me…

I need to reach the bottom and I know I'm close, so I swim as fast as I can passing a whale, a giant squid, and many strange deep-sea creatures I think nobody has ever seen — except for me — on the way. It's funny how I can be so deep under water with no light at all and have perfect vision. Maybe I'll just stay down here for a while; no one will notice. No. I can't. I'm running out of time.

My feet brush up against something. Is it the sea floor? No. I hear her talk. I can't register words, but I know what she means. I hold on to the whale's rough skin and think I must be farther from the floor than I thought. She says I'm close to the Western Land. Is that Asia? Possibly Oceania? We've arrived. The whale can't go any closer to shore so I'll have to swim. Thanking the whale before I depart, I swim to the surface. Suddenly the water seems solid.

I begin to run again, skimming the surface of the ocean and onto land. But now I don't stop. There isn't enough time for an unnecessary break. This must be Asia because before I know it, I'm running parallel to the Great Wall. I turn away and head into desert. I come to the edge of a giant cliff and jump down, finding myself in front of the Treasury. It's largeness overwhelms me as I take in one of the Wonders of the World. How did I get here so fast? I'll think about that later.

I sprint away from the unbelievably large tomb and soon find I'm surrounded by pyramids higher than any skyscraper you'll ever see. I guess I'm faster than I thought. I jump and land on top of one of them. I quickly take in my surroundings as I leap off and become surprised by the fact that I'm suspended in mid air. Now I can fly?

I soar high above the pyramids and make my way west once again over the rest of Africa and I am soon greeted once again by the ocean. I fly close to the surface, allowing my hands to skim the water and send up refreshing spray. Continuing at top speed, I turn further north towards North America.

Lost in thoughts of being home again, I don't even take notice of when land appears beneath me. I stop, staring at a single house far below. I could swear there were more, even a neighbourhood, when I left. I must go now, for this is where my journey ends. I don't know what time it is or even if it's day or night. I can't tell. Maybe tomorrow…

Right Feeling, Wrong Time

What I feel is wrong

For a situation like this;

Everyone is stuck

In a dreadful abyss.

Why do I feel

So calm and content;

To be so alone

Is not my intent.

This sensation is what

I've wanted for so long;

But it's not fair to them

With all that's gone wrong.

When somebody's health

Takes a turn for the worst;

What's wrong with me

That my mind is so cursed.

This Is A Start

She looks down. Down through the clouds; down through the buildings; down from where she lies calmly on the only cloud visible in the bright blue sky. She looks down as far as her eyesight will allow until she sees her only desire since she left.

He looks up into the vast sky and rests his eyes upon the lone cloud, hovering in place. His sight strains, attempting with endless effort to search for his single yearning.

That's when it happens. They weren't even sure up until this moment if it was possible. Like a magnet attracted to its opposite charge, their eyes lock. Not once does either look away. A mysterious understanding passes between the two as they hold eye contact for what seems like a century. They've spotted each other. There's no going back now.

She lowers the thread. All the way down it falls until it softly comes to rest on the small grass hill. He's waiting, hair gently blowing in the warm autumn breeze. The surrounding trees that lack most of their leaves hide his existence from the outer world. They wouldn't understand. He had to come alone.

"Come to me. There is no need to fret, as this mere strand is as strong as our love." She whispers from high above.

He hears her as if she were standing right next to him. "Why did you go?" he questions her softly in return.

A timid smile stretches across her petit face, lighting up her eyes. "I should not tell you what you are already aware of. They asked me, remember? I simply could not refuse, even if I did have a choice. They assured me that I would be of good use to their missions. That I was the only one who could fulfil their requests. And now I have come to gather you, as they have done to me. You will be safe in their arms," she replies, adding, " and in mine. We will never be separated again."

She is right. He knew his time would come. He bends down to grasp the end of the thin, silver string that is supposed to carry him all the way up to her — to his love. A tear falls softly down his cheek and into the long grass as he takes in his surroundings for the final time. Never again will his feet touch Earth. Never again will he experience this life as he is preparing to trade it for a new type of freedom: the freedom of his heart.

Tightening his grip on the strand of silver, his eyes float back up to hers. She smiles. He nods. She pulls up the thread with ease. His feet lift off the ground. Up, up, into his Unknown and her recently acquired home. And now it begins.

Your Name

I write your name in the mirror

through the thick layer of steam;

I write your name on the glass

and when the sun shines, it gleams.

I write your name on test papers

where my name belongs;

I write your name in my notebook

where I hide all my songs.

I write your name in the dust

scattered over the shelf;

I write your name in the heart

right next to myself.

Don't Worry; Be Happy

Sometimes I feel so ashamed. Not because of the mistakes I've made or the pile of remorse stacked in the back of my mind, but because I take much less time than what I should spend to appreciate Earth and all it's glory.

These past few weeks, I have been rather stressed about many events that were very personal. When I get upset over something, my mind tends to bring back past problems that occurred in my life, resulting in my frustration being ten times worse than it needs to be. I become lost in a dark, lonely place that only I can go. It grabs hold of me and welcomes me into it's depths in the most unfriendly way possible. Pulled in too deep for escape, I become trapped in this endless pit of misery that I like to call "my mind." But that's only when I'm in a bad mood. Fun, right?

Now, however, the majority of stress has been removed from it's temporary resting place on my shoulders. I feel light, pushing aside the fact that I never lost weight; in fact, I probably gained weight from all the chocolate I ingested (I basically inhale the melting squares of deliciousness when I'm agitated).

Doesn't my life seem so appealing, like you'd just want to switch places with me for a while? No. And that's exactly my point. I have an annoying tendency to pay attention to all the bad things in life when really, my focus should be on Earth's beauty. I am adding the time it takes to appreciate the good in life to my list of very important and life-changing goals; you know, things like own a plastic lawn flamingo, use a "spork", be part of a flash mob. Yeah. Things of that high relevance.

The world is truly fascinating. There are so many places to see, whether it be across the globe, or right across the street. I need to remember that most of the things I have, I don't necessarily need and there are people who have nothing and are still happier than I. My family, home, friends, food, clothing; those are just the basics, and even having them in my possession isn't always enough. Nature is the source of elation. It is the founder of true wealth. Man can build himself up to be all he wants to be. He can earn himself a position of authority or a higher social status. All the money in the world could be in his possession, stuffed into the giant safe in the rear of his outstandingly huge solid gold mansion. Yet, he will never feel pure jubilation unless he takes even a single moment in the day to enjoy Earth. Enjoy living. 

Materialized luxuries are great, don't get me wrong. They increase our quality of life and can also allow us to rejoice faster. However, it is crucial to remember that even a man with nothing but the street alleyway he lives in can be filled with more ecstasy (no, not the drug, the feeling…although you never know with some folks these days…) than one whom believes they have all to be had. Sometimes it can be hard to find simple allure in life, as it was for me. No matter how cheesy it sounds, the only way to discover euphoria is to believe that it is and will always be there, waiting, prospering, radiating hope.

A Predicament

There are four major guys in my life right now:

1. He likes me but I don't know how I feel about him.

2. I find this boy very attractive, but we've never gone as far as smiling at each other in the hallways.

3. This boy is the one I want so badly to love, but I can't quite bring myself to gather that fuzzy feeling in the pit of my stomach. He seems almost like a brother — not what I want.

4. I love this guy. He hurt me terribly. I can't forgive him, nor can I get over the immense feelings I hold towards him.

It is interesting, how the world of love works.

Boy #1 just confessed his feelings for me and claimed to never hurt me. I told him I needed to think about all that is going on (meaning the other guys). Boy #2. Well, there's not much to say about him. The most interaction we've ever shared was when he added me on Facebook. Yeah, it got pretty intense. Boy #3 is the same one I wrote about in my first post titled My Inspiration. As previously mentioned, he is more like a brother to me. Everything about him is what I would want in a potential love, but, I'm not sure what to do about it. Or even if there's anything I can do. Boy #4 is the one I wrote about in Utterly Stupid Vulnerability. It's remarkably hard to put the experiences and emotions into words but after hours of editing, that post was what I ended up with. It was surely the entry I spent the most time on. It was worth it.

I'm so confused about who I should let go or if I should consider one boy over the others.

For Kennedy.

Today. Today was different. Today, I felt happy and loved the entire day and it's all thanks to one person; the only one who has come closest to understanding me.

It happened this morning. She gave me an envelope. However, this was no ordinary envelope. On it was, well, it made me smile like a squirrel eating a peanut:

Front

Back

Inside the lovely envelope (which, by the way, already made me extremely happy) was quotes and a picture of a cat dressed as a chicken (as I said, she understands my personality pretty well). I had tears in my eyes because I didn't think anyone would be willing to bother to do something like this for me and I had laughter in my words as I read through all the quotes:

This is just half of them.

So to you, dear friend whom I value too strong for words, I say "thank you." Thank you for always being there for me, for listening and understanding everything I'd say and even the things I didn't. You always know what to do and say and I am extremely grateful to have you as a friend. I hope we will still be close throughout the next years of our lives, but even if we aren't, please know that I will never forget you and the things you have done.

With Love