In this moment, even though my life is still a mess, I'm happy. I feel confident in and with myself, and I'm not worrying about the past, present, nor future. It feels good; So good I wish I could write it in all caps as if that will somehow accurately express the emotions I'm openly embracing. I feel so good that I don't even care if I just used that semicolon (or any other one in my entire life) incorrectly!
You wanna know what's odd? I really have no idea as to why I'm feeling so… wonderful. I still have to wake up tomorrow and face all of the road-blocks and speed-bumps that are bound to intrude the road I will travel. I still have to work out impossible solutions to less impossible problems, and remember that I have a 'successful future' to plan. I can't forget all of my responsibilities in this world, but right now, it feels as if I have.
I long to run through the streets in the middle of the night, sing into the midnight air, meet a stranger and become best friends for a day, and feel the rain on my skin in the heat of a summer's afternoon. And yes, I know these are a bit ironic considering it's the middle of winter, minus twenty or thirty-whatever degrees outside, and that there's a few feet of snow straight out my front door, but hey! A girl can dream!
In only a few hours, I will have fallen asleep and woken up again to begin a new day. I know for a fact that I'm going to rise from my slumber and instantly wish I could fall back into it, but I'm going to live in the moment right now. I know this sense of elation won't last long, but that's okay. I'm prepared. That's why I'm writing this. I'm going to document my happiness and keep it as a record. Whenever I'm feeling down in the future, I can look back upon this post and remember that, yes, there was a time when I was happy for no reason.
Sure, I may smell awful. Yeah, maybe I could lay off the (multiple) midnight snacks, but none of that seems to matter right now. I have plenty of time left in my life to fix these things and I need to remember this. My future is a mystery and there will be plenty of times when I'll feel like a piece of roadkill, but those are the moments I will learn from. The moments I will save in my heart will be the times when all the bad occurrences in my life payed off; I learned, improved, and succeeded. Moments like this, right now.
Sadness is in your head, but so is happiness. They're both there. As impossible as it seems to believe it sometimes, you just have to. Usually only one controls your mind at a time, but it doesn't have to reign for eternity. Yes, it's impossible to feel both joy and unhappiness at the same time. Emotions can change in the blink of an eye and that's perfectly okay. Sometimes, people have a harder time understanding this but don't let them keep you down. Emotion is different for everyone. In fact, everything is different for everyone. Nobody in the world is exactly the same and I hope it stays that way.
I always find that giving myself a mental pep-talk before I go to sleep puts me in a better state of mind the next day, so I'm going to write one for whomever comes across this post:
I want you to know that although I may not know you personally, you deserve happiness. Every living and non-living thing (hey, I'm not discriminatory) on this planet deserves to feel good about themselves and their lives (assuming you have one and aren't abiotic). You may worry about what is to come in your life right now, but don't we all?! You have many years ahead of you to figure out where you're going to go. When it comes down to it all, nobody knows the future. We're all in the same boat: curious, afraid, nervous, and maybe even excited at times.
Is there something you aren't pleased with right now? Fix it tomorrow! Or the next day! Or whenever! You have the power to do that. It's your life and you can live it whatever way you want. Are your parents standing in the way of you achieving your dream and instead pushing you to do what they want you to do? Well, I'm going to be blunt here, but they're going to be dead one day. Once they're dead and nobody is having such an input on your existence, are you going to be happy with the fact that you listened to them instead of your heart? Parents try to help you. All they really want is to see you succeed. The thing is, we all have different ideas of success. What does 'success' mean and look like to you? Think about this and then you may have a clearer idea of what you are going to do.
At the end of the day, all you have is you. You need to live with the decisions you make everyday, so make them positive ones. Believe in yourself, as cheesy as it sounds. I know you're capable of achieving your goals, it just might take a bit of extra hard work to get you there. Long-term or short-term goals, it doesn't matter. Perhaps you're looking years ahead at a future career or maybe you're just aiming to make it to the end of the day, every day. All that matters is that you take hold of the reins and steer yourself the way YOU want to go. I know you can do it. Maybe this is hard to take seriously coming from a fifteen-year-old girl (I refuse to acknowledge the fact that I'm actually sixteen). What do I know about anything?! Not even I know the answer to that question. What I desire at the moment is for you to live the way you want, however difficult it may be. It WILL pay off and you WILL feel good in the end. You deserve everything positive event that will come your way and these will make it worth working through the negative ones. You can do it. You can do it. I know you can. You need to know you can, too.
P.S. The song 'It's Time' - Imagine Dragons can really solve all your problems. Give it a listen when you're happy or when you're sad. Dang, dat mandolin. Also 'On Top of The World' by the same artist. C'est bon, tout les temps!
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