Mount the Noble Steed of Courage

What is optimism, really? Is it being happy and being able to look on the bright side of everything all the time? Or is it being an emotional wreck, having everything in life be a displeasing challenge you want to end, and still being able to make it through by the skin of your teeth and not surrendering completely? I suppose it really just depends on how you look at it. Maybe it's both, I don't know. I will tell you what I do know, though. I am certain that being optimistic is not always as easy as it sounds.

I have a friend who always seems positive and full of energy, even when things are rough. Don't get me wrong; she does get sad, just like anyone else. She just doesn't let it destroy her.  Things usually end up good for her in the end, and I'm happy for her. Another friend of mine is completely the opposite. Life doesn't always treat her the best and when things finally start to turn around, she treats it as if it's too good to be true and barely believes her good luck. So very sad, it is.

I love them both equally, despite their contrasting attitudes.

And I, well, I am stuck somewhere in-between the two of them. Neither positive nor negative, and not quite neutral. Most of the time, I switch between outlooks. One minute I'll be cheerful and outgoing, the next I'm wanting nothing more than to sit alone and ponder life and all that's gone wrong. For some reason, I imagine myself separate from the rest of my friends. I don't particularly like feeling like this, but it's something I can't help.

I'm just different. Good or bad, I do not know. All that is certain is that the majority of my heart lies alongside something or someone I have yet to come across. I'm still on the quest to find who I am and what I'm meant for, if anything at all. 

An undying feeling of wanting to belong, and not necessarily to anyone in particular. To be a piece that fits into the jigsaw of life. That's what I feel, what I want. And so that is what I will attempt to do and receive.

I will embark on a journey of bravery, confusion, excitement, challenges, and sometimes sadness. As selfish as it sounds, I will get what I want. I complain about not having anything to look forward to, so this can be it! I will stare down the path of success, letting my gaze rest on the light at the end, and believe that I will get there no matter how long it takes.

I desire change. My heart is set on being more friendly, positive, and patient with certain individuals. Most importantly, I yearn to be content. I'm growing tired of the sorrow I seem to drag along with me everywhere I go.

My attitude is the only thing that stands between me and victory. Swords at the ready, we're set to begin the duel. I already know I will win. There aren't many things in this world that are entirely under my control, but my emotional outlook is definitely one. It's just taken me a while to see that.

Yeah! I can do this!