No Better Thing Or Word Than Spelunking

Today I was watching a television show on caves and spelunking. If it were my decision, caves would be considered a wonder of the world — even the tiny ones. Truly gorgeous. Whilst viewing this show, it made me think of all the caves I've been to during my short, worthless life. To be honest, I've only been in two, but that's not the point. The point is how amazing they truly are.

A few years back, my family and I took a vacation to the wonderful province of British Columbia (we go there a lot). During that trip we visited a mountain that happened to have a cave spelunking tour and being the completely extreme, adventurous family we are, we decided on the easiest beginner route. The only part of the trip that was difficult in any sense was the virtually vertical hike up the mountain to where the caves were actually located. Utterly strenuous. After about an hour and a half of the trek, we eventually did reach the top and readied ourselves for the descent into the damp darkness.

I must say, from the few lights that were conveniently located on the tops of our helmets, I have never seen anything so amazing. Underground, you see things and shapes made by nothing but water and the minerals it contains. I find it hard to believe that it takes years for them to form such creations and that something as simple as a human touch could bring it crashing down, leaving nothing but regret with the person whom caused such damage. Luckily, nothing of that matter happened when we were down there.

The single detail that I remember the most is when our guide led us to the bottom of the small cave and told us to turn off our helmet lights and witness complete darkness. She asked us in her striking Australian accent to wave our hand in front of our faces. Being the egotistical group we were, almost every person out of the twenty or so that came along for the trip scoffed in her face and directly stated that they could see their hands perfectly clear. The guide seemed to be expecting this, however, because she merely laughed and told us to grab a partner and hold up a certain number of fingers in front of their faces and then see if it wasn't so dark. The scorn within the group soon turned to shock as we realized that we couldn't see anything at all and listened attentively as our Australian guide explained that our brains know what they're supposed to see when we wave our own hands in front of our faces, and fool us into believing that we have vision.

Image credit: http://www.hotnaturally.com/img/img_man-in-caves.jpg

That cave was probably more riveting since it was less influenced by man than the second one I visited. Still in B.C., my family then travelled to Ainsworth Hot Springs Resort. Here, the luxuriously warm water runs in a loop that goes into one cave and out another. I love visiting hot springs as it is, but the caves seemed to give the whole atmosphere that extra something. It gave me that same sensation that makes me want to curl up in a warm blanket next to a window spattered with rain drops and read a good book whilst listening to some sort of ambient music. Wonderful. Despite the crowds, it was a pleasant experience and I would love to relive every minute of it.

I have many absurd dreams and one of them is to discover and explore a cave that has never been found before by anyone. How exciting that would be. When I'm in a cave it feels as if I've entered a whole new world full of unique findings and endless adventures. I plan to go back to the mountain that contained the first cave I'd ever entered and take a more challenging route that will hopefully go deeper and darker than I've ever gone in one. One day…

I Barely Noticed

Only three more years. Three more years of being whatever I am now. A kid? A teen? A hopeless romantic? A loser? I don't know. All that I know for sure is that I'm suddenly so desperately afraid of loosing it.

This feeling all started last wednesday, as that day signalled the first day of high school. Yes, high school. Those memorable three years that everyone from fresh graduates to parents to seniors still recall and reflect upon whether it be good or bad. Call me crazy, but as soon as my feet crossed the threshold of the school, it felt as if my whole childhood flashed through my mind.

I saw my first trip to DisneyLand, the view I had from the naughty chair in kindergarten after I put Playdough in my friend's hair (and how she still gave me hugs after that), when it was still socially acceptable to use the facilities with the door wide open, the day in grade five when I lost the elephant charm on one of my necklaces, how I had the first and only fight to this day with my friend when we were in junior high, that stupid fight between my group of friends over a picture frame, the first day I laid my eyes on his beautiful face in grade seven, and how he still managed to break my heart in grade nine even though he wasn't even mine.

And then I was back beside my friend, laughing to hide the pain. The pain of the realization that I'm growing up. Obviously, I've always been aware that I'm getting older and it's not like I expected to stay nine years old forever, it's just that it all happened so fast. So remarkably fast. One minute I'm having the time of my life playing with Barbies with my brother, and the next I'm trying to block "his" face from reappearing in my mind as I'm trying to figure out trigonometry for the hundredth time. The contrast is obvious and so entirely sad.

I could go on forever about the changes, the memories, the pain of growing up, but why write seventeen novels when I can state everything I need to say in one sentence: I don't want to grow up.

Salty Utopia

For the majority of my life, I've acquired quite a fascination with the ocean. However much I may adore it, I've only been in and close to an ocean on a few rare occasions in my life. I'll never forget how beautiful it was.

The first time I set foot in the sea was a few summers back. My family and I decided that we were going to take a road-trip down to Tofino on Vancouver Island, BC. Being from one of Canada's prairie provinces, I'm definitely not exaggerating when I say it took us four days to get there, including the numerous rest-stops that became necessary from my father's exhaustion (he was the one driving, after all).

After nearly ninety-six hours of unpleasant car-sickness, several ferry rides, and a farting, complaining brother, I found it to be quite the relief when we finally reached the condominium complex we were to be staying at. It turned out to be a forty minute drive to the nearest beach but as soon as I took one step out of the vehicle, the aroma of the sea rushed to meet me. We were surrounded; surrounded by paradise.

Many days were spent driving around, absorbing the breath-taking scenery, and occasionally stopping at a few small beaches we found along the way. My favourite day, however, was one of the very last. That was the day we went to Long Beach — the first day I'd ever actually swam in the ocean.

Many people whom had visited the beach before strongly advised us to wear wetsuits and that we would barely be able to stand the temperature of the water for very long, so it was definitely a surprise to us all when I ended up spending three and a half hours riding the waves on my stomach and diving to excavate sand-dollars from within the sand bed. My brother and father whom also swam that day gave up after almost two hours and went to join my mother as she was in a beach chair and in charge of snacks. Unfortunately for them, the wind wasn't very pleasant to be in — especially since two of the three were wet. I didn't have a problem with it, however, as I spent the majority of my time under the waves that crashed overhead or seeing how close I could swim to a rock that was a temporary resting spot to an abundance of sea lions without having them spot me.

Finally, I was collected from my salty paradise and driven back to the condo with a red plastic cup filled with sand-dollars, beauteous shells, and even some oysters that contained gorgeous pearls within my grasp. I'm surprised I didn't go delirious from all the salt water I had swallowed that day. I remember that for a few days after that, I could still taste the ocean every time I licked my lips. I never got sick of it.

One day I'm going to move somewhere along the coast. That way, I'll be able to swim, scuba, beach-comb, and relax to the wondrous sound of waves until my heart's content. My heart lies within the sea.

Let's Not Do This Again Sometime

I can't really come to a decision on whether or not I enjoy large family gatherings. What I am certain of is that they are exhausting. If I'm visiting with one related family, I'm fine. When it comes to a group of twenty, however, including those whom remember me when I was a baby that I couldn't recall to save my life or just complete strangers, I tend to have a more difficult time being out-going.

I try so hard just to carry a five minute conversation that by the end of it, I feel like I need a nap. But I can't even sit down because before I know it, some distant relative I don't recognize has me in a firm embrace and is going on about how much I've grown. So I force on yet another overwhelming smile that everyone just seems to eat up and ask them things I really couldn't care less about.

I feel like I'm being rude sometimes because little does everyone know, I would rather be curled up in a blanket in a closet listening to music and hiding myself from the world rather than talk. I can't change this feeling. I would if I could. I usually only get like this by the end of the reunion and spend my time actually being nice and caring without needing to fake for the first couple of hours before I get cranky.

To add to my exhaustion is the fact that I only got less than two hours of sleep the night before all thanks to an obnoxious thunderstorm. I also spent most of the party with my second cousins: Amelia is turning ten in a few weeks and William just blew out the candles for his sixteenth birthday. Their personalities are complete opposite because I'm pretty sure I've exchanged more words with Amelia than I have with anyone in the past two months whereas William referred to me and my brother as "those other people,"  spoke to us just to say hi when we first arrived, and ignored us the rest of the time. All he did was hide in the basement and watch television and she was right on my heels every step I took. Don't get me wrong — they both can be really fun. William was just absorbed in hating everything at the moment and Amelia was just a little over excited as a result of not seeing us in five years.

Everyone else at the get-together was an adult and, by the sickening aroma in the house, spent most of their time drinking or smoking when they weren't busy harassing me with questions. And then comes the drama. I expected some bickering going into it but by the end of the day, some people wouldn't even look at each other let alone communicate.

Overall, I think I had a pretty good time. I got to see family whom live too far away to visit frequently and more importantly, survived. Although I did happen to get some of my Aunt's champagne all over me because the glass she was using broke in her hand. It also got on my other Aunt's ceiling, but she was too drunk to care. Then again, when don't any of these things happen with my family.

I Don't Stop

I run. As to my destination, I'm not entirely sure. All I know is that I will never get tired. I will run forever.

I think I'll see the world. I run up Machu Picchu, although I'm not aware of how I got here. When I reach the summit, I gaze down upon the small towns far below. I wave with both arms at an aeroplane passing overhead. Can they see me from here? They must be able to. The clouds are closing in around the mountain, but I'm too high up for them to suffocate me in their gloomy, rain-storm endeavour.

I look down once again and shout at the top of my lungs, "Hullo, down there!" But I'm not fast enough. The clouds have acted as a barrier between me and the rest of the world far below. I will move on now.

And so I jump. Butterflies fill my stomach as I am overwhelmed with a welcomed feeling of weightlessness. The clouds rise up to meet me at a vigorous speed and I land on their surface. I begin to run again and before I know it, the clouds I've been sprinting along for so far west are coming to an end and I see ocean far below.

The only way down is to jump, and so I do just that. I decide to let myself have some fun as I free-fall towards the watery depths rushing towards me. I pull into a tuck position and spin one, two, maybe five times before I stretch out flat and turn my back to the water. Is it possible to do cart-wheels while free falling? It is; I just tried. Now the water is so close, I have to change position a final time.

I execute a perfect "pencil" dive as I break through the surface of the water and plummet into darkness. Deeper and deeper I swim until I look up and the last shred of light disappears. I take my first breath of the sea. I welcome it into my lungs and realize I have never felt so good. It's like the ocean belongs to me…

I need to reach the bottom and I know I'm close, so I swim as fast as I can passing a whale, a giant squid, and many strange deep-sea creatures I think nobody has ever seen — except for me — on the way. It's funny how I can be so deep under water with no light at all and have perfect vision. Maybe I'll just stay down here for a while; no one will notice. No. I can't. I'm running out of time.

My feet brush up against something. Is it the sea floor? No. I hear her talk. I can't register words, but I know what she means. I hold on to the whale's rough skin and think I must be farther from the floor than I thought. She says I'm close to the Western Land. Is that Asia? Possibly Oceania? We've arrived. The whale can't go any closer to shore so I'll have to swim. Thanking the whale before I depart, I swim to the surface. Suddenly the water seems solid.

I begin to run again, skimming the surface of the ocean and onto land. But now I don't stop. There isn't enough time for an unnecessary break. This must be Asia because before I know it, I'm running parallel to the Great Wall. I turn away and head into desert. I come to the edge of a giant cliff and jump down, finding myself in front of the Treasury. It's largeness overwhelms me as I take in one of the Wonders of the World. How did I get here so fast? I'll think about that later.

I sprint away from the unbelievably large tomb and soon find I'm surrounded by pyramids higher than any skyscraper you'll ever see. I guess I'm faster than I thought. I jump and land on top of one of them. I quickly take in my surroundings as I leap off and become surprised by the fact that I'm suspended in mid air. Now I can fly?

I soar high above the pyramids and make my way west once again over the rest of Africa and I am soon greeted once again by the ocean. I fly close to the surface, allowing my hands to skim the water and send up refreshing spray. Continuing at top speed, I turn further north towards North America.

Lost in thoughts of being home again, I don't even take notice of when land appears beneath me. I stop, staring at a single house far below. I could swear there were more, even a neighbourhood, when I left. I must go now, for this is where my journey ends. I don't know what time it is or even if it's day or night. I can't tell. Maybe tomorrow…

Right Feeling, Wrong Time

What I feel is wrong

For a situation like this;

Everyone is stuck

In a dreadful abyss.

Why do I feel

So calm and content;

To be so alone

Is not my intent.

This sensation is what

I've wanted for so long;

But it's not fair to them

With all that's gone wrong.

When somebody's health

Takes a turn for the worst;

What's wrong with me

That my mind is so cursed.

This Is A Start

She looks down. Down through the clouds; down through the buildings; down from where she lies calmly on the only cloud visible in the bright blue sky. She looks down as far as her eyesight will allow until she sees her only desire since she left.

He looks up into the vast sky and rests his eyes upon the lone cloud, hovering in place. His sight strains, attempting with endless effort to search for his single yearning.

That's when it happens. They weren't even sure up until this moment if it was possible. Like a magnet attracted to its opposite charge, their eyes lock. Not once does either look away. A mysterious understanding passes between the two as they hold eye contact for what seems like a century. They've spotted each other. There's no going back now.

She lowers the thread. All the way down it falls until it softly comes to rest on the small grass hill. He's waiting, hair gently blowing in the warm autumn breeze. The surrounding trees that lack most of their leaves hide his existence from the outer world. They wouldn't understand. He had to come alone.

"Come to me. There is no need to fret, as this mere strand is as strong as our love." She whispers from high above.

He hears her as if she were standing right next to him. "Why did you go?" he questions her softly in return.

A timid smile stretches across her petit face, lighting up her eyes. "I should not tell you what you are already aware of. They asked me, remember? I simply could not refuse, even if I did have a choice. They assured me that I would be of good use to their missions. That I was the only one who could fulfil their requests. And now I have come to gather you, as they have done to me. You will be safe in their arms," she replies, adding, " and in mine. We will never be separated again."

She is right. He knew his time would come. He bends down to grasp the end of the thin, silver string that is supposed to carry him all the way up to her — to his love. A tear falls softly down his cheek and into the long grass as he takes in his surroundings for the final time. Never again will his feet touch Earth. Never again will he experience this life as he is preparing to trade it for a new type of freedom: the freedom of his heart.

Tightening his grip on the strand of silver, his eyes float back up to hers. She smiles. He nods. She pulls up the thread with ease. His feet lift off the ground. Up, up, into his Unknown and her recently acquired home. And now it begins.